Life has a funny way of making us question our age and maturity. For those who know me, they’re no strangers to my occasional childlike antics. It’s not an act; I genuinely feel like a kid at heart. People have often quipped, “Grow up,” or exclaimed, “You’re growing up,” leaving me thinking when, exactly, did that transformation occur.
Was it last month when I stood on the graduation stage, cap and gown in place, about to receive my diploma? Did that mark the moment I officially became a grown-up? Or did it happen a decade ago when I nervously grasped the steering wheel for my first driving session? maybe, when I learned to ride a bicycle without training wheels?
The moment I pedaled on my own, without those supporting wheels, was magical. Could that have been the moment I began to grow up?
or perhaps it was the transition from high school to college? leaving the comfort of adolescence behind and moving away from home for the first time (for a few months at least, before covid).
A few weeks back, something happened that made me question it all:
Let me take you back to that pivotal moment during my graduation ceremony. The auditorium buzzed with excitement as I stood in line with fellow graduates, the anticipation building with each name called.
To be honest, I wasn’t particulary excited about the graduation and was even thinking of skipping the convocation altogether. I’ve stood on stage a couple of times in the last few months and I thought this was just going to be a similar moment.
But then, something weird happened, As I waited for my name to be announced, I found myself lost in thought. Suddenly a thought popped up in my head, “Shit. Am I a grown up now?” I whispered to myself. It wasn’t just a piece of paper I was about to receive; it was a symbol of transition, a ticket to the world of adulthood.
“Is that it?”, “Am I a grown up now?“, “Am I even ready for this?” and suddenly, I lost my train of thought when the announcer called my name.
I walked onto the stage and obviously the applause from the crowd felt like a warm hug, but deep down, I didn’t want to let go of being a kid.
I wondered if growing up meant leaving behind the fun and curiosity of childhood. Could I still keep those moments of innocence?
and it’s important for me to retain those traits because here’s something I haven’t shared with many people..
2023 has been a tough year, and not many know this, but confession time, by the end of last year I was not in a good mental state :/ Life had thrown me a few curveballs, and I was struggling to find my way.
I’m an overthinker, I guess. I even thought twice before writing this sentence.
In the beginning of this year, I tried my best to find ways to distract myself from the overwhelming thoughts and emotions. That’s when I decided to seek help and started seeing a therapist. It was a big step for me, admitting that I needed someone to guide me through the tough times.
This journey of self-discovery and healing was my own quiet battle. I didn’t talk about it much, but I think it certainly shaped the person I was becoming.
Graduating wasn’t just about completing a degree or growing up; it was about conquering my inner demons and finding the strength to move forward.
Just a week after this moment, came the next milestone
Moving to Bangalore
This step was more than just a physical move; it was a plunge into the deep end of adulthood’s pool, complete with all the whirlpools and unexpected waves.
Finding an apartment in Bangalore was a task that taught me valuable lessons about independence and resilience maybe? lol.
I wanted a place which I could call home, which gives me that sense of belonging, aesthetics that inspire me to be more creative in my work and thinking.
Anyways, The city’s big real estate scene is such a mess! I had to navigate a sea of listings, visit countless apartments, deal with brokers and negotiate with landlords.
Each conversation and visit was a step closer to realizing that I was no longer the wide-eyed student but a fledgling adult ready to take on life’s challenges 😔
But finally, I found a place which checked most of the things on my list of requirements 🎉
Setting up my new place from scratch has been an adventure in itself.
Every piece of furniture, every choice of color, every essential appliance felt like a brick in the foundation of my newfound adulthood. It’s like I’m not just choosing decor; It’s like I’m crafting my own sanctuary.
The logistics of moving required a harmonious symphony involving various stakeholders, from the car shipping agency that handled my belongings to the amazon delivery people to the utility providers who ensured my new home was functional.
As I settle into my new life in Bangalore, I’m gradually realizing that adulthood isn’t solely about external markers, like having a diploma or a place of my own. It’s an internal shift in perspective.
It means learning to take care of my own chores, from tackling laundry to navigating the aisles of the grocery store. Even delving into the world of cooking is becoming a part of my journey.
The once-intimidating kitchen is transforming into my laboratory for culinary experimentation.
In these moments of self-discovery and growth,
I understood that growing up is an ongoing adventure. It’s about embracing change, accepting responsibility, and nurturing a sense of independence that goes beyond external appearances. Each step I took on this journey was a testament to my evolution as a person.
and as much as you may not want to, you’ll grow up, and that’s the sad reality about life. It doesn’t necessarily means abandoning the childlike wonder and enthusiasm that make life so beautiful though.
Rather it’s about finding more ways to embrace the adventure, cherish the lessons, and knowing that every experience, no matter how small, shapes the person you are becoming.
So, are you a grown up now? or still a kid at heart? 🙂